Playing with Rats
Suggestive Games1
Suggestive Games2
Good Stress
Travel With Rats
Literature
Some Stories
I BET TO BITE MY EYES
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The
bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll
bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender
accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports
that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can
bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly
have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and
biting his other eye.
STRONGEST BARTENDER
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around
that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon
until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone
who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many
people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody
could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and
a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the
bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a
lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to
the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his
fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd
cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you
do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The man
replied "I work for the IRS."
SPAT THIS BEER
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go
to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on
it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he
returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
PEEKING A PHOTO
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double
martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt
pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After
he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the
bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy,
I'll bring martinis all night long - but you got to tell me why you look
inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies,
"I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know
it's time to go home."
GOLDEN SALOON
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and
is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the
hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there
is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - hell,
even the urinal's gold!"
The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone
book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the
place to check her husband's story.
"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes it is," bartender answers. "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey,
Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last
night!"
DRUNK AGAIN
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until
the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters
his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and
starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over
backwards and lands flat on his rear end.
That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint
bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up
his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked
himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something
terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the
circumstances, and he went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was
hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife
came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last
night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and
found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
What do American beer and a rowing-boat have in common? - They're both close
to water.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.
I drink to make other people interesting.
A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
A little man walked into a bar and slipped on a pile of dog poo by the door.
Moments later, a burly biker came in and slipped on it as well. ". The
little man said: "I just did that." and the biker hit him.
One more drink and I'd be under the host.
A man had spent all day drinking in a bar. By ten o'clock at night, he was
blind drunk but still wanted more. However he had run out of money. "I must
have another drink," he told the bartender. "Can't you put it on the slate?"
Once again a drunk was standing there, leaning against the wall and looking
decidedly the worse for wear. But before the samaritan could do anything,
the drunk I staggered over to a passing police officer and said: "Officer,
protect me from this man. He keeps taking me upstairs and throwing me down
the elevator shaft!"
A drunk staggered into a Catholic church and ended up in the confession
booth. After a few moments, the priest said: "What do you need my son?" The
drunk asked: "Is there any paper on your side?"
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